To my friend

 

Dammit I still miss you.

Dammit I still miss you.
It’s been short and it’s been so long.
I can remember but not enough,
what’s worse is
I can’t forget
your face and what was left of you
as you laid there still and dead.
My pointless memories
are photographs
and these two tattoos.
I’d slice them off with a hacksaw
if it meant
I’d know where to find you.

I love you
like nothing else and like
nothing ever will be.
We may be apart right now
but I swear you’re never far from me.
Keep me in your prayers
and I’ll wear all these scars.
I’ll write all about you
and say that song was ours.

I hope you know
you saved me and
I’m so very sorry
that I wasn’t good enough
you’re more than I deserve.
I wish I’d love just like you
If I only had the nerve.
You taught me
how to live life
without saying a single word.
It was just you
and your kind soul,
I’m only doing what I do now
to try and fill that hole.

I know what you’re thinking
that God has better
for me
That’s true it’s stupid to argue.
Perhaps in time I’ll see.
Since I’m praying that you’re up there, could you ask Him just one thing?
Why’d you have to go when you did?
Why’d you have to leave me?
I know it would not have
been forever
but I miss you all the same,
and I think it really
angers me
that there’s no one I can blame.

Trying all the band aids
but nothing seems to stick.
It’s not sex and it isn’t whiskey even coffee
makes me sick.
I just lay here in my room
washed up in the place where I left you-the place where
all your ashes sleep-but the waves don’t even
touch me and
the poison will not work.
I cannot go for numb anymore,
now I can only hurt.
If you felt
this much pain
I’m glad you could pass away
because what my soul feels in this moment
should really kill me right away.

Sometimes it only hurts
and it even hurts
to try to know why.
I hope that I’ll feel better soon
I hope I’ll want to try.

A poem for the best one i’ve ever known, inspired by this song:

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